Shame about one's station, whether derived from comparing school grades or socioeconomic status and the emergent fear of failing within that competition are very powerful motivators. You can use these emotions as fuel and the autobiographies of lots of successful individuals cite this as one of the only reasons they've succeeded.

But there has to be another way. A more enlightened way with less suffering and less self-destructive tendencies. I reject that way of living. I've seen through my father, how such behaviors have enabled him to provide so much for me. But the very same adaptations have turned against him.

I now live in world, where, at least for now, my lack of success does not affect people I call friends, where my lack of success does not change how much food I eat. In my circumstances, with all the privilege I carry, the very same shame and fear has caused me to hide away, beneath the comforts of my time.

Therefore in order to still do hard things, I must find another way of operating.